I am in transition in so many ways. My life has been altered by the death of my parents but their ability to finally rest has set me on a course of "freedom." I finally feel free to live my own life. When my parents were alive I never would have moved far away because I wanted to be close as they were both ill for the majority of my life. I hoped that they would be o.k. but I never knew how long they would live. I was always constantly worried about what would happen to them next and how I would need to adjust my finances and life plans in order to accommodate the situation. I have never had children of my own but I have been taking care of my parents in some way since I was a little girl. Psychologist would have called me a "parentified" child, meaning I carried the responsibility of an adult or parent even though I was the child.
Feelings of grief are now moving to feelings of gratitude for the way that I lived my life and for the decisions that I made to always care for my parents in some way. I am blessed to have made it past the immense pressure that I lived under for 36 years. The constant loom of illness and what it did to my family is inexplainable.....but now death has removed the loom of illness and in death my parents have their "well deserved" and "much needed rest."
Lately, I have been thinking about the dreams that I had previously suppressed. I have always wanted to live overseas and now those dreams will be realized. I am not saying where I intend to go, but if I write a blog in another language you may figure out where I landed. Lol!
In terms of the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process, I must check in for the night.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance - Totally.
Anger- No, not today.
Denial- No, just unbelief.
Depression-Fighting my way out.
Life has meaning and purpose. Evolution in life gives opportunity to a fresh start, a new beginning. Life provides us with moments and we have to live the moments out in the best way that we can. As always, I must remember to laugh, live, and love always and intentionally because tomorrow is not promised.
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