Today I started the day with prayer as my heart has been very heavy for the Haitian victims of the earthquake. It's just really hard to witness that kind of pain and feel powerless to do anything about it. I cry for their pain. I feel like their pain is also my pain. My prayers are with them but I think I better stay away from the news because I am not able to handle that kind of pain right now.
I have a challenge with an unfeeling, no personality, rude Professor in school. She is my teacher and I do not want her to be. I don't know how this situation will resolve itself but I pray that the academic department will have answers for me on Tuesday following the MLK Holiday.
I am thinking about how much my life has changed since my Daddy passed away. I am trying to figure out why I am feeling so blah. Why? Why! Why. I just keep asking that question of myself. Not why did he pass, because he suffered for so long I am glad for him to rest. I just feel like the permanent change that death causes is so profound. I have to change the way I think of myself as the daughter of James and Harriet. Now, I think of myself as the daughter of the deceased James and Harriet. Yes, I know that I am still their daughter but having them around to guide or support me is no longer an option. This is a difficult reality for me right now.
Here's the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process for the day:
Bargaining -Not at all
Acceptance - Totally
Anger - Today yes, felt helpless because of the Haitian earthquake victims. Their grief has heightened my sensitivity to my own grief process.
Denial- No, just unbelief
Depression - Fighting my way out!
Our lives are precious and often short, let's be careful how we use them. For those of us in positions to help others, let's do so. Selfishness simply leaves us empty on the inside and in our relationships with others.
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