Footprints of Death...............
I am amazed by the chain of events that have been happening in my life. I feel closer to God and I feel like God is taking me to a new level in Him. My relationship with God has been the key to my ability to make it through the darkness of grief. Recently, I was beginning a relationship. After a few months, I knew in my heart that this man was not the kind of man for me. I started to pick fights with him because I wanted him to leave me alone. It worked. Later on, someone asked me, "how are you going to deal with the loss of the relationship?" I said, "Well, it was not a "relationship" yet. Also, if I made it through the death of my parents, my aunt, and my great-aunt, which were the people I loved and that really loved me back, then I can make it through ANYTHING!" I was so proud of myself for that one statement because it was honest and I really felt the truth of that statement in my soul. How can I feel encouraged and hopeful for the future when I have lost so many loved ones? It must be the grace of God.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Days 498-517
Footprints of Death...............
It's been such a long time since I've written, I almost don't know what to say.
First things first, I have been feeling pretty good. I have a few stresses that I am believing God to give me the strength to defeat, but other than that I have no complaints.
In terms of grief, it seems to come and go at will. There are some days, weeks, or months where I feel great and then out of no where I will hear a song, smell a scent, or have an experience that reminds me of the ones that I have lost. This phenomenon is truly mind boggling to me but this is my journey and I fully intend to face it victoriously.
As usual, I am going to go through the 5 stages of grief using the acronym that I created based on the stages of grief.
Bargaining- Not at all. I have lost the loved ones already.
Acceptance- In my head I have accepted their losses but my heart may never understand these losses.
Anger- Sometimes.
Denial- Not at all.
Depression- At times, but I understand the emotion and try to move quickly past it.
I am continuing my journey and hope to do it laughing, living, and loving.
It's been such a long time since I've written, I almost don't know what to say.
First things first, I have been feeling pretty good. I have a few stresses that I am believing God to give me the strength to defeat, but other than that I have no complaints.
In terms of grief, it seems to come and go at will. There are some days, weeks, or months where I feel great and then out of no where I will hear a song, smell a scent, or have an experience that reminds me of the ones that I have lost. This phenomenon is truly mind boggling to me but this is my journey and I fully intend to face it victoriously.
As usual, I am going to go through the 5 stages of grief using the acronym that I created based on the stages of grief.
Bargaining- Not at all. I have lost the loved ones already.
Acceptance- In my head I have accepted their losses but my heart may never understand these losses.
Anger- Sometimes.
Denial- Not at all.
Depression- At times, but I understand the emotion and try to move quickly past it.
I am continuing my journey and hope to do it laughing, living, and loving.
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