I think that it's important to note that this blog is designed to help me heal. I will have my say as this will help in my healing process. Some people think that I am conceding defeat. My sole purpose is to "break the ugly silence" that happens when people pass away. I do not have guilt or even despair regarding the loss of my parents. If I were in despair, that would mean that I have no hope, but that's not even the case.
In short, my spirit is strong. I have a personal relationship with God, whom I call Jesus Christ, and he has gotten me through many, many, many hard times. I am confident that He will continue to get me through this period and lead me to much greener pastures. This blog is not about the condition of my spirit. This blog is about the TEMPORARY condition of my soul. Right now my soul is not well. It feels disappointment, loss, sadness, uncertainty, etc. My soul is experiencing a myriad of feelings both good, bad, and indifferent. I have had instances where I let my UNEXPRESSED feelings cause me to have asthma attacks, develop pneumonia, back problems, acne problems, and gain weight. UNEXPRESSED feelings cause illness. I refuse to allow my feelings to dictate my level of mental and physical health EVER again. So, here it is, the real reason why I am blogging. I am blogging for myself. I am blogging because I am not afraid to speak for myself about how I feel. I am also not afraid of what other people think about my decision to blog.
Yesterday, I was in the anger stage of grief. Today, I can say that I am not experiencing anger, acceptance, bargaining, or denial....for this I am grateful. Depression, not too much.
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