Day 17

Footprints of Death...............

I must say that I absolutely love this season! It's the season in which I was born and I love it! Christmas is a wonderful time of the year for me to reflect on the birth of Jesus and thank him for his sacrifice to me. I also become more grateful around this time of the year too.

Christmas day was not as unbearable as I thought that it would be emotionally. In fact, I think that I only cried once when I had a memory of when my parents were alive and I remembered all of the hustle and bustle that would be going on in the house. Great times (big smile)! After a short stint of tears, I felt o.k. again. Grief is a weird experience, sometimes you can be fine and in a few short moments you can be crying uncontrollably. I never know what may trigger my emotions. Lately, I have been in a pool of my own tears when I hear certain songs, smell certain aromas, or hear certain phrases. Amazing!!! Anyway, I think that my personal grief process may be stronger right now due to all of the horrible things that other people are going through (i.e. job loss, terminal illness, unexpected deaths). My heart and prayers always go out to people that are hurting, in fact I wish I could help in really big, really practical ways.

In terms of the "sweets" issue I did have sweets yesterday and on Christmas eve as I was with family. I was aware of what I ate and I fully intend to get back on the straight and narrow by Sunday. I always like to be honest about where I am "right now" in life so that I do not inhibit my own future. Funny story: I had a person in my life that was close to me when I was growing up. This person always tried to give everyone advice about what they should do as a career, how to make more money, how to find a relationship etc. The funny thing is, when I looked at this person's life I realized they had no money, had never done anything to speak of themselves, and had very few good relationships. So, at about 16 yrs old, I decided that I would never listen to people that did not have evidence of their own advice in their own lives. Lol!

Lastly, it's time for the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process check-in:

Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- Totally accepted my parents death.
Anger- No manifestations, no short fuse.
Denial- Not denial, just a little unbelief that they are really gone.
Depression-Working on it everyday.

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Please remember to laugh, live, and love often. Talk to ya soon!