Everyday is starting to get a little brighter and a little brighter. I feel as though I am walking out of a 100 foot deep pit that was so dark and so cold that I did not think that I would ever see my way out. The picture that I describe is the picture of grief. Grief has a way of making you feel like you are all alone in a sea of despair but God can heal the human heart of any pain and all we have to do is ask for his help, then allow Him to help. That always amazes me!!! God's power is amazing to me. There is no pit, no fear, no aloneness, no disease, no depression, no anger, no disillusionment, no uncertainty, no pain, and no heartbreak that my God cannot heal. I am eternally grateful.
Today, I had many little tasks to do. I am adamant to take small steps in the direction of my dreams as I am finally able to pursue them. As I have said before, I feel empowered by the strength that both of my parents left me to complete or fulfill my destiny. I have so many dreams that I have longed to fulfill but I always promised myself that I would never pursue my life and leave my parents behind to suffer. Never! I always thought of myself as a military commander in my family. Why? Because I refused to leave a man behind in this war called "life". When both of my parents were physically disabled I knew that I would not leave them to suffer alone, even if that meant that I sacrificed my own dreams. I must say I am glad that I made the decision to stay and support them in anyway that I could. I'm glad because I feel a sense of wholeness and a renewed faith in knowing that the things that I have always wanted to achieve, God has already prepared for me. He allowed me this time to mature enough to receive and to thrive in the destiny that He has prepared for me.....at least this is how I feel.
Now it is time to run through the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process:
Bargaining - Not at all.
Acceptance - Totally.
Anger - Not today, no manifestations.
Denial - No, just unbelief from time to time.
Depression - Fighting my way out and determined to win!
As always, I fully intend to laugh, live, and love intentionally.
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