Day 100 -Milestone

Footprints of Death...............

Today was a good day despite some pressures. Dealing with my grief process and dealing with the pressures of life seem to push me further and further into reliance and relationship with my God, whom I call Jesus Christ. I am in a "new season" of challenge, it seems that I am not being challenged in the same way as I used to, but the challenges are still there. I just do not feel as "challenged." I actually feel like God continues to lift the load off of me even when the challenges attempt to make me doubt that God has my circumstances under control. Amazing (soft smile).

I am glad that I am having the opportunity to do new things. I am able to try things that I have always dreamed of trying but never felt free or financially secure enough to try them. Now, I just jump toward my goal with no regard of failure. I love it!!!!

The grieving process is improving for me. I do not feel that deep numbness that I felt four months ago. I do not believe that I am completely out of the woods because I have some days when I miss my parents immensely, but amazingly I feel like they are close to me in spirit. These days, when I need my parents' advice, I close my eyes and think about the advice that they have given me in the past. If I am still not sure that the advice fits my particular situation, I wait on the idea and take it into prayer, then if I still do not feel like I have enough clarity to go forward, then I usually do not take it any further. I realize more now than ever that TIMING is everything. Even if I really want to do something I WILL NOT because I believe that in order to have God's favor I have to move in HIS time and not my own. There's a scripture in the Bible that says, "Obedience is better than sacrifice." Now I think that I understand what that means. Lol!

O.k. I better run through the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process.

Bargaining- Not at all, my parents are no longer on this earth.
Acceptance- Totally.
Anger- No manifestations. No seething anger either.
Denial- No, just unbelief from time to time.
Depression- I am doing better and determined to win!

Reference:

Barone, James E. & Ivy, Michael (2004). Resident Hours. The Five Stages of Grief. Journal of the Association of American Medical Colleges 79(5), 379-380.