Day 160- Gary Coleman

Footprints of Death...............

Today I heard the news that actor Gary Coleman died.  I am saddened by his loss.   He gave me hours of laughter after school, when I was a kid. My Dad would watch the show with me and he would say, "That kid is something else (with a big smile)!  I could not wait to hear the "Different Strokes" song and dance to it.  I loved Gary's big cheeks and his comedic timing.  He always made me laugh.  I could watch that show over and over it reminds of a great period of time... the 80's when I was a kid.

Anyway, I hope that Gary found the peace and joy that he gave to us through his work.  Rest in Peace Gary, I loved your work!!!

Day 160 -Continued

Footprints of Death...............

Is it just me or does death somehow bring back or increase your sensitivity (feelings)?  Death certainly sensitized me.  Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but I thought it was worth mentioning.  Now that I I have lost both of my parents, I  really feel great when people who really love me say, "I love you."  I feel it to my core, in fact their words feel like a true experience of love and not just mere words.  I guess I have a truer (better as learning never ends) understanding of how powerful words really are especially in the aftermath of death.  It's amazing how God has placed beauty and amazement in all things both good and bad, we just have to look beyond what we see on the surface and learn the lesson from the challenges being presented.  It really means the world to me to feel the love of those who love me.  Words are inadequate to express how I feel.   I also notice that I appreciate the "little things" in life so much more.  I even take the time to make sure that I appreciate others because I understand that there is no certainty in life.  In fact, death is very much a part of life. I just wanted to share that thought at as hit me as I just spent time near my love.  Who's my love?   For now it's water.  Whenever I get near water I feel inspired, I feel creative, and I have in-depth thoughts.  I know I'm weird. Lol!

When I enjoy life by appreciating others, I heal myself, even through the pain of grief.  I am starting to believe the death acronym that I created more and more.  Perhaps D.E.A.T.H. really does stand for Decreasing External Activities That Hinder as life through death has more clarity to me.

Day 160

Footprints of Death...............

This weekend I plan on enjoying myself.  This weekend my perspective is to look forward.

I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday weekend.  Dealing with the effects of death is simply a wake-up call to live life.  So I'm gonna go out and live it this weekend.

Remember to laugh, live, and love!

Day 159

Footprints of Death...............

I was at work today and I told someone that I lost both of my parents already.  The lady said, "I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad when I was 19 years old."  I consoled her and offered my condolences and then out of nowhere she made a statement that I was not expecting....."Wow, both of your parents are gone, I bet you feel like an orphan."  I was taken back for a minute but I realized it was coming from a cold place inside of her.  I do not feel like an orphan because I had two parents that loved me and parents to whom I was securely attached.  I feel blessed to have had parents despite the fact that they are physically no longer here.

I just don't understand why some people insist on being so cruel.  My guess is she has never really dealt with her own grief and even though it's been 25+ years since her loss, she has not done the work needed to heal.  I do wish her the best and hope she finds the healing that she needs. I am finding out more and more that some people like to make jabs when they find out you are lacking in an area.  It saddens me because I would not wish the pain of grief and loss on my worst enemy.  I encourage anyone experiencing loss to please ignore the silly things some people say as they are speaking out of their own pain.

Good night!

Days 156-158

Footprints of Death...............

I made it. My Dad's Birthday was on May 24th and I was very nervous about how I would feel since this was his first birthday since he Died in November.  Instead of being filled with grief and pain on his birthday I was grateful for his life, his immense courage, his determination, his fatherhood, and lastly his ability to finally rest.  My Dad was the hardest working man I ever met.  Not only was he hardworking but he worked without the use of his right hand which was severed in an accident (at his job) when he was a very young man.  I rejoiced in the fact that my Dad did not have to deal with the aggravation of epilepsy( I did not capitalize the E in Epilepsy because it has no power over my Dad or our family anymore).  My Dad no longer has to deal with the embarassment that having a seizure would bring him.  People were often afraid to be around him for fear that he would have a seizure...but that was their loss because to know him was to love him.

Again, I am amazed by how God has carried me through the pain of grief.  I feel good.  I feel happy.  I feel like I have a good understanding of life and even the purpose of death....at least that's how I feel today (smiling).

Day 155

Footprints of Death...............

I know I should not be anxious about things, but tomorrow is my Dad's birthday.  Wow, I really just want to be happy that he lived to be 71 years old and is no longer suffering.  God help me not to worry today about tomorrow.

Day 154

Footprints of Death...............

This day flew by and it seemed like I didn't have much time to do all of the things that I needed to do.  Post my parents death, life continues to amaze me.  I can't stop smiling.  Yea, still smiling.  Yep, still smiling.

I feel like this is a new season for me....a season of happiness.  I pray that all of my readers will experience the same happiness and joy that I am feeling right not.

Good Night!

Day 153

Footprints of Death...............

Today's events showed me that God hears me when I speak to him.  All I can say is that I appreciate Him and without Him I would not have made it.  Life has, at time, given me a heavy beating but God's grace has been sufficient to deliver me from the trials of being near death, sickness, poverty, depression, anger, and a host of other issues.  God is a deliverer!

For those who may be reading who still feel the pain of grief, please know that God hears you too, and He cares.

Good night!

Day 152- Death Has No Lasting Sting

Footprints of Death...............

Today I had a chance to reflect.  I was thinking about where I was just 6 months ago.  Six months ago I felt like I was hit by a mac truck and left paralyzed (metaphorically speaking).  I had no will to go on and could have cared less what life had in store for me.  My whole life leading up to the last six months just felt like I was treading in 6 inch snow with glue at the base of the snow.  No matter what I tried it seemed like it was met with extreme resistance. But nothing good or bad last always................

Today, I got a chance to reflect about what I have been through and the trials I have endured.  It gave me great joy to see God's hand on my life because I KNOW that I would never have made it through any of my struggles (physical, mental, etc) if it were not for my relationship with Jesus Christ.  So tonight, I am writing with a grateful heart.  I even feel like thanking death because even he could not steal my testimony. Death truly has no lasting sting.

Be encouraged everyone, I just had to get that off my chest.

Day 151

Footprints of Death...............

Today was rainy but beautiful nevertheless.  I am looking forward to the future.  The death of my parents caused me to appreciate life much more.  Perhaps the purpose of death is to show me just how precious life really is.  Just a thought.

I need to turn in now, long day.  For anyone who may be suffering from a recent loss please be encouraged  and know that the pain will not last forever.

Remember to laugh, live, and love!

Day 150- Ms. Lena Horne

Footprints of Death...............

I forgot to mention the recent (5/10) loss of great jazz singer and woman, Ms. Lena Horne.  She was a classy lady and a role model for female entertainers everywhere.  My condolences to Ms. Horne's family.  Good night!

Day 150

Footprints of Death...............

Life is good.  Life has its highs and lows but I am glad for the moments.  I've learned a lot.  I lived a lot.  No matter what I have been through, I'm still grateful.

Enjoy your Sunday and tell the people in your life that you love them everyday because tomorrow is NOT promised.

Day 149

Footprints of Death...............

I missed yesterday but I had a wonderful time with my family.

Day 148-One Day Makes a Big Difference!

Footprints of Death...............

Yesterday was filled with many terrible emotions.  I was reminded of past disappointments and times when sickness enslaved myself and my family.  I wanted yesterday to be over and I asked God to please turn the page on the situation for me.  Within 24 hrs God did hear my cry and my prayers. He opened doors that have never been opened to me before.  I cannot tell you how grateful I am right now.

The Bible says, "When my mother and my father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up."  I am so glad that God has stepped in as a parent to me since I have no parents here on earth.  When I think about how faithful and how concerned God is about me I am moved to tears. ....tears.....then worship in song.  I LOVE JESUS!  I am not ashamed to say that because this is what my heart feels.

For those going through any difficult loses of family, loved ones, jobs, way of life, etc just ask God for help and direction and I promise you He will meet needs in a perfect way that is taylor made for your life.

Enjoy your night!  Keep loving one another.

Day 147

Footprints of Death...............

I just got home from taking my sister to the Emergency Room.  I'm too drained to talk about it right now but I believe that God is in control.  I will not grieve the loss of my sister's total health, I know that she is whole and healed by faith.

Good Nite!

Day 146

Footprints of Death...............

I am absolutely exhausted.  I will check in tomorrow.

Day 145

Footprints of Death...............

It was a hard day but I handled it well because I spent yesterday in prayer.   I feel more empowered to handle the hard issues that life continues to bring.  Death's sting seems to decrease when I approach my life with prayer first.  Whew, I'm tired I think I better retire for the night.

Day 144

Footprints of Death...............

This is it!!! Today marks the six (6) month mark since my Dad passed away.  I cannot believe that I made it this far but I am certainly glad that I did.  Today was a good day. I spent it in prayer when I first got up this morning, then I went to noonday prayer.  I got through this day by seeking God.  He always comforts me when I feel that I have no else who understands me.

I pray for comfort and encouragement for all those who have lost a loved one.  God truly understands our pain and He cares.  Goodnight!

Day 143

Footprints of Death...............

Mother's Day really turned out very nicely.  I anticipated the worst based on past Mother's Day experiences since my Mommy passed away.  Today turned out well.   God is an awesome comforter.

I'm feeling tired, I'd better turn in.

Day 142

Footprints of Death...............

Wow, the night before Mother's Day...

I was doing well until I saw all of the Mother's Day shows on television with celebrities and their Moms.  Great shows but it hurts to watch because I remember whom I lost.  I would love to share my adult life with my Mom, but I cannot.  She is gone to her rest.  I could lie and pretend that I am past the pain, but nearly 11 years since her passing I am not beyond the pain or the void of her loss.

I do wish everyone who is a Mom a Happy Mother's Day.  I encourage you all who have your Mom to cherish her and honor her every chance that you have.  For those, who like me, who have lost your Mom please be encouraged and take joy in knowing that God said he would be a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless.

God is faithful and He gives peace to those who need it.  I need it and I am asking for peace as well as joy for ashes.

Have a great night!

Day 141

Footprints of Death...............

This has been a long week but I am certainly glad that it is over.   Mother's Day is approaching and I am committed to not closing myself off from the world like I feel like doing.  It is easy to want to retreat when everyone around you is excited about visiting their Mom's for the weekend.

I do take joy in the fact that I had a Mommy who was awesome and who poured so much into me, but life without her presence and her voice is still very difficult.  It feels like I just heard and saw her, but October of this year makes 11 years since she passed away.  Wow!

Day 140

Footprints of Death...............

I am blessed today despite my present circumstance.   This idea is the one I am choosing to believe, no matter what.  This week's struggles had no power over me and for that I am grateful.  I also determined that death and its effects will have no power over me this month.  I am determined to fight these feelings of grief because I am glad that my parents no longer have to suffer.

Moving past the grief process is not easy yall.  I have to make a conscious decision everyday about how I am going to heal completely from grief and emerge healthy and whole.  For me the best medicine to heal from grief is to discuss my feelings.  I like to discuss what I am feeling, how I am feeling, and what I can do to change or lessen the feelings.  This has been one of the biggest struggles of my life.......but I am determined to win.  At times my head is bloody but yet unbowed.

Be encouraged because God is always faithful and I know his thoughts toward me are to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29).

Day 139

Footprints of Death...............

Super tired from being super busy.  Doing o.k. despite the triple whammy that this month brings.  I just realized that Sunday is Mother's Day.  This is usually a rough day for me because my Mother passed away almost 11 years ago.  Monday marks my Dad's six month anniversary for passing away.  At the end of the month is my Dad's birthday and he would have been 72. I'll need this blog more than ever to see just how well I am really doing.  Have a great night everyone.

Day 138

Footprints of Death...............

This month is a big one for me.  May 10th marks six months since Daddy died.  Wow!  Time did fly.  This is also my Dad's birthday month.  I have a lot to deal with but my challenge this year is to get through it with a positive attitude and to NOT allow myself to dwell on what I lost, but rather be grateful for all I had and currently have.   I can do this with God's help.  With God nothing is impossible. Wherever you are on this journey called life, be encouraged!

Day 137

Footprints of Death...............

Monday was so bananas, I forgot to write.

Day 136

Footprints of Death...............

I must tell you that last week was horrific.  I had challenge after challenge to the point where I was completely discouraged.  I felt myself sinking back into a depression. It is in these times that I miss my parents the most.  When times are rough I am confronted with the fact that my earthly parents are gone but that they left me in the capable hands of the God that said that he would never leave nor forsake me.  To face a horrible week I used a 3 ingredient spiritual recipe. The ingredients were:

1. Prayer
2. Scripture Reading
3. Worship To God

I feel better.  I feel like a new woman!  If any of you are going through anything just know that God is a healer.  He heals the grief from the loss of a loved one, he heals broken spirits, he heals broken bodies, and broken minds.  He is the mender of all things broken.  Have a great day!

Day 135

Footprints of Death...............

I missed writing yesterday for good reason.  I went to a Worship Conference last night that really lifted my spirit.  Talk to ya later.