Days 190-192

Footprints of Death...............

Wow!  It's almost been eight(8) months since my Dad passed away.  Time surely does fly.  This week has been good.  I have been studying and working.....the story of my life. Lol!  Actually, I love learning and studying.  I adore school because you reap to the extent that you sow.

Lately, I have been receiving quite a bit of bad news but God has helped me not to internalize those problems.  Since he has healed my grief sick soul, he has given me a new attitude wherein I appreciate the really great times and I stand still during the bad times knowing that the storm presented will soon pass.

For all of you who are grieving, please remember that this process is temporary.  You will soon see the beauty in life and death again.  You will also appreciate the love that your loved one gave to you.  Keep your head up!

As always, remember to laugh, live to fullest, and show love often and on purpose.

Day 189

Footprints of Death...............

Dealing with the aftermath of death has allowed me enough pause to understand what is really important in life.  Taking care of myself is important. Family is important.  Having respect for friends and true friendships are important.  Enjoying life is important. Not sweating the small stuff is important.

Because God is great at healing a heart overcome with grief I now have the opportunity to think clearly and acknowledge my feelings in the moment.  I feel better. I feel like my best days are ahead, despite the uncertainty of my metaphoric tomorrow.

Days 186-188

Footprints of Death...............

Today I had an interesting thought.  I was thinking about death.  Six months ago, if I had met death on the street in a human body I would have pummeled him with my bare hands because he made me angry.  Today if I met him on the street I would give him a hug and thank him for what he did for me.

I was reminded today of the way that I watched my parents suffer in their health and in their lives.  I watched my Mommy suffer for 25 years of my life.  I watched my Daddy suffer for 36 years of my life.  In fact, I was starting to believe that suffering lasted a lifetime and was never ending.  Death taught me that nothing good or bad lasts forever.  Just a thought, that was interesting to me.

My perspective, like death's impact on me, has changed.  My devastation has turned into joy and personal fulfillment in my life.  I know my parents would be glad that I am going forward in life instead of wishing that I could join them in death.

For all who are grieving right now, keep your head up and keep going.  You will overcome!

Remember to laugh, live, and love as often as you can.

Days 184-185

Footprints of Death...............

Today was a good day. I have no complaints.  I made it through another day without thinking or feeling grief.  I feel blessed!

Days 181-183

Footprints of Death...............

I have been in a school conference for my Ph.D. residency.  I am tired, but glad that I was able to network and focus on my goals as a doctoral student.

Today was Father's Day, the first Father's Day without my Dad.  I received several texts/emails from friends who were offering their support at this time.  I really appreciated it.  Surprisingly, I did well today, I only cried once as I thought about my future graduation from my doctoral program.  I envisioned the sadness of knowing that neither of my parents will be there physically to see me realize my dream.  When my Mom was alive 11 years ago, she always called me Dr. Judith before I ever got to the graduate level in school.  Amazing!

So again, God was faithful to help me when I could not help myself.  I did not feel overwhelmed as I took solace in the fact that my Dad was finally able to rest. He is free and I am glad!! Happy Father's Day James Russell Owens!!!

Day 180

Footprints of Death...............

Today was the second day of my school residency. It went well. I am tired.

I guess the lesson that I learned is that the effects of death/grief can be overcome by continuing to live life to the fullest.

Good night!

Day 179

Footprints of Death...............

Life is getting really busy for me.  Today was the first day of my school residency.  I'm glad the day has ended.

I am eager to see what the future holds.  I encourage every reader to continue to pursue your dreams and passions as those who we have lost would want for us to be happy.  My parents would be elated to know that I feel happy again (big smile).

Day 178

Footprints of Death...............

Tired but glad for progression. To live is to change. I was thinking today that death is just the inability to change anymore.

Days 176-177

Footprints of Death...............

All I know today is, everything I need God has.  Everything I desire God gives it to me.  God is amazing and from the ashes I am starting to rise.  I hear Maya Angelou reciting her famous poem, "Still I Rise."

Days 174-175

Footprints of Death...............

Great day!  God has given me peace and joy in place of grief and sorrow.   I cannot stop smiling.

I know that God makes all things new.  Israel Houghton's new song "Moving Forward" is so encouraging.

Have a great night!

Day 173

Footprints of Death...............

I have to share this scripture today.  God is a healer of all things broken, especially broken hearts.

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Day 172- "All Things Are New!"

Footprints of Death...............

Isaiah 61:3 in the Bible says that God will give those who mourn beauty for ashes, the oil of joy, and the garment of praise in exchange for the spirit of heaviness.  Not only does this scripture read like beautiful poetry but it has been the "truth" revealed in my life in the past six (6) months since I lost my last living parent.  In November I felt hopeless and I could have cared less what happened to me.  I felt so lost and almost lost the will to live entirely....but I kept hearing God tell me that I would be o.k. I could also feel my parents cheering me forward.  

Death and grief have also been great teachers.  Even through the affects of death and grief, I learned that newness can happen.  I am amazed! I have learned that in order to get through the loss of a loved one and grief I had to spend my time strengthening my spirit.  I learned that when you strengthen your spirit, your body, mind, and soul will have no choice but to follow.

Israel Houghton, a contemporary gospel singer, has an amazing song out right now.  I think it's called, "Forward!"  The song is a declaration that God makes all things new and we do not have to dwell in the pain and disappointment of the past.

I am encouraged and I wish the same for everyone who has suffered a loss of any kind.

Day 171

Footprints of Death...............

I have been spending a lot of time working on my spirit.  I have been reading and studying the Bible, listening to Gospel worship music, and just being very reflective.  I just continue to be grateful for my life and all of the issues that I have endured.  The death of both of my parents over time has made me stronger as a person.

I encourage anyone who has suffered a loss, to begin to listen to yourself and your soul.  If you listen to yourself and to God He will tell you what you need to do in order to heal, but it does require retreat from hectic schedules and people.  A little alone time is healing for the soul.

Days 169-170

Footprints of Death...............

I know that I say this a lot but I am grateful about the life that I had.  The sequence of events that happened in my life amazes me.  I am also grateful for the life that I have now.  Today has just been a day of reflection and all I could think about was how far I have come.  It's amazing how one day you can be in a pit filled with the most vile and disgusting things (figuratively), then suddenly you end up on a paradise island where everything is at your disposal.  I know that sounds crazy, but this is how I feel right now.

For anyone who recently lost a loved one please be encouraged and know that you will heal just give yourself the opportunity to heal.  Write about how you feel, exercise when you feel bad, draw about how you feel, cook about how feel but please try not to do the other self-destructive things.

Take care,

Day 168 - Mr. John Wooden

Footprints of Death...............

I did not know Mr. Wooden personally but I feel his loss as I am a U.C.L.A. Bruin.  Mr. Wooden was born in 1910 and passed away June 4, 2010.  He made such a huge impact on the sport of basketball and on humanity.  I am deeply saddened by his loss and I offer my condolences to Mr. Wooden's family.  

I am glad that Mr. Wooden can now rest knowing that he has lived a great life and impacted so many.  Rest in peace!

Day 167-Rue Mc Clanahan of "The Golden Girls Sitcom"

Footprints of Death...............

My condolences to the family of Rue Mc Clanahan, who played Blanche Devereaux on the famous "Golden Girls Sitcom."  She was extremely talented and she gave my family and I countless hours of laughter.

I just wish that she was honored more while she was alive.  I wish we could all take pause and give kudos to the aging entertainers who performed their jobs and lived their lives with dignity, class, and grace.  They made our lives better so why can't we return the favor?

Days 165-166

Footprints of Death...............

In terms of grief I think that I am moving past the grieving process rather nicely.  When I look back at the blogs from November of 2009 when my Dad passed away I had little hope that I would feel good again, but God has surpassed my expectations and I feel great.  I am doing the things that I love (ex: writing, singing, learning, playing tennis).  I just feel holistically happy.  I am still waiting for my spiritual dream ( a gift that God has placed in me that I am not utilizing to its full potential).  There is one dream that meets me in my sleep and pervades most of my thoughts during the day.  This dream is the one that helped me  move past the stages of grief that I spoke of.........writing and singing music is my unfulfilled dream but I am hopeful that 2010 will open the door to this dream just as it has opened the door on other dreams that I have. God has really done supernatural things for me in 2010 and I am awe struck!!!

If you are grieving, know that you are not alone.  Go through your own process and express your true feelings.  It's only when we reveal our "true feelings" to God, then he can heal us.  Let's invite God into our pain, you know the deep hidden areas of loss that have been caused by death, loss of the quality of life, loss of health, loss of family, etc.  Please remember that God's plan for us is perfect, He has our destiny in mind so we cannot let temporary setbacks deter us from the purpose and promise that God has placed over our lives.

Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose!

Days 161-164

Footprints of Death...............

I am just checking in on my process of grief.  I am feeling well.  Things are moving fast and of course I am busy (lol).  There have been many deaths around me.  I offer my condolences to all of those who have lost loved ones. I understand your pain.

As I usually say, I am determined to deal with grief so that grief does not deal with me and affect me emotionally, mentally, or physically.  I hope that anyone else who has suffered a loss will do the same.

Have a great night!