Footprints of Death...............
I must admit that I feel emotionally drained. This was a difficult month to say the least. Also, this feels like the longest month of my life. On 9/12/10 I lost my Aunt Joy, on 9/20/10 my older sister who helped raise me had a major successful surgery, and today 9/28/10 my Aunt Barbara passed away. Wow! I know that in order to keep living life change is eminent. Change is a major component of life so why do I feel the same shock and sense of loss every time someone that I love passes away? It seems silly but all of life (i.e. good and bad) is necessary. Intellectually, I know that "This too will pass," I just wish it would pass alot faster and for longer periods of time (lol).
In terms of the BAADD grief process, I better check-in for the day.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- I think I'm getting there.
Anger- A little.
Denial- No, I am fully aware that they are no longer here.
Depression - No, I just need an emotional break for while. I really need a long 10-20 day vacation surrounded by water. Oh yea, I would love for this vacation to be at no expense to me with no strings attached.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Days 276-283
Footprints of Death...............
This has been an amazing week. My sister had a major surgery but she pulled through just fine. This week I also came to terms with the loss of my Aunt Joy. I am elated that she is finally able to rest and not suffer anymore with constant illness and the loss of her independence.
In terms of the BAADD grief process, I better check-in for the day.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- I think I'm getting there.
Anger- No so much today.
Denial- No, I am fully aware that she is no longer here.
Depression - No, I just need an emotional break for while. I really need a long 10-20 day vacation surrounded by water.
This has been an amazing week. My sister had a major surgery but she pulled through just fine. This week I also came to terms with the loss of my Aunt Joy. I am elated that she is finally able to rest and not suffer anymore with constant illness and the loss of her independence.
In terms of the BAADD grief process, I better check-in for the day.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- I think I'm getting there.
Anger- No so much today.
Denial- No, I am fully aware that she is no longer here.
Depression - No, I just need an emotional break for while. I really need a long 10-20 day vacation surrounded by water.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Days 273-275
Footprints of Death...............
I am so grateful to have this personal forum to discuss my feelings and experiences with death. As I have mentioned in previous postings, I think that it is important to deal with my feelings of grief so that those feelings do not deal with me and manifest in unhealthy ways (i.e. disease, unhealthy behaviors, etc).
Anyway, my Aunt was laid to rest yesterday 9/18/2010. At this point I am emotionally exhausted. Tomorrow, I have a huge challenge to face that involves a life or death situation for someone else that is very close to me but I am completely in God's hands as I need God to carry me through this one. I am nothing and can do nothing without Jesus Christ as the ultimately guider and redeemer. God I trust you no matter how things may look right now.
In terms of the BAADD grief process, I better check-in for the day.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- Not at all.
Anger- It seems to be subsiding.
Denial- No, I am fully aware that she is no longer here.
Depression - No, I just need an emotional break for while. I really need a long 10-20 day vacation surrounded by water.
I am so grateful to have this personal forum to discuss my feelings and experiences with death. As I have mentioned in previous postings, I think that it is important to deal with my feelings of grief so that those feelings do not deal with me and manifest in unhealthy ways (i.e. disease, unhealthy behaviors, etc).
Anyway, my Aunt was laid to rest yesterday 9/18/2010. At this point I am emotionally exhausted. Tomorrow, I have a huge challenge to face that involves a life or death situation for someone else that is very close to me but I am completely in God's hands as I need God to carry me through this one. I am nothing and can do nothing without Jesus Christ as the ultimately guider and redeemer. God I trust you no matter how things may look right now.
In terms of the BAADD grief process, I better check-in for the day.
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance- Not at all.
Anger- It seems to be subsiding.
Denial- No, I am fully aware that she is no longer here.
Depression - No, I just need an emotional break for while. I really need a long 10-20 day vacation surrounded by water.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Days 270-272
Footprints of Death...............
Due to the loss of my Aunt I will be writing more frequently as I have been hurled back into grief; therefore I need to revisit the 5 Stages of Grief.
As a reminder, my acronym for the 5 stages of grief is called the BAADD process:
Bargaining - Not at all.
Acceptance - Not yet.
Anger- Today, yes!!!!! I wished for an easier way to deal with life. Yikes!!!! God is always in control and never falls asleep at the wheel. I wish I could have been there for her before she died.
Denial- Not at all, just unbelief.
Depression- No, doing fine.
Due to the loss of my Aunt I will be writing more frequently as I have been hurled back into grief; therefore I need to revisit the 5 Stages of Grief.
As a reminder, my acronym for the 5 stages of grief is called the BAADD process:
Bargaining - Not at all.
Acceptance - Not yet.
Anger- Today, yes!!!!! I wished for an easier way to deal with life. Yikes!!!! God is always in control and never falls asleep at the wheel. I wish I could have been there for her before she died.
Denial- Not at all, just unbelief.
Depression- No, doing fine.
Monday, September 13, 2010
AGAIN- Days 266-269
Footprints of Death...............
No matter how many times I hear the words, "Sorry, but you just lost .........," I will never get used to it. On September 12, 2010 we lost my favorite Aunt who was like a second Mom to myself and my siblings. She was still in her early sixties and I really wanted to take care of her. My Aunt Joy P. was a fantastic musician and woman. She was kind to everyone she ever met. She never married or had children of her own by choice. She seemed to enjoy the life that she carved out for herself because she spent most of her time caring for others and putting their needs above her own. I wanted her life as a retiree to be absolutely perfect, but I was not able to help out in this way. As a Ph.D. student I have to delay certain things right now until my education has been completed. Nevertheless, I was praying that I would have more time to be there for her and to help take care of her but God had another plan. I am happy that she no longer has to suffer from sickness anymore. I am overcome right now, so I just want you (Aunt Joy) to know that I LOVE YOU and you will be greatly missed. Please tell my grandparents and parents that I said, "hello!"
I am deeply saddened and I am sure that I will have to revisit the 5 Stages of Grief process until the sting of her passing has subsided.
Until we meet again............................................
No matter how many times I hear the words, "Sorry, but you just lost .........," I will never get used to it. On September 12, 2010 we lost my favorite Aunt who was like a second Mom to myself and my siblings. She was still in her early sixties and I really wanted to take care of her. My Aunt Joy P. was a fantastic musician and woman. She was kind to everyone she ever met. She never married or had children of her own by choice. She seemed to enjoy the life that she carved out for herself because she spent most of her time caring for others and putting their needs above her own. I wanted her life as a retiree to be absolutely perfect, but I was not able to help out in this way. As a Ph.D. student I have to delay certain things right now until my education has been completed. Nevertheless, I was praying that I would have more time to be there for her and to help take care of her but God had another plan. I am happy that she no longer has to suffer from sickness anymore. I am overcome right now, so I just want you (Aunt Joy) to know that I LOVE YOU and you will be greatly missed. Please tell my grandparents and parents that I said, "hello!"
I am deeply saddened and I am sure that I will have to revisit the 5 Stages of Grief process until the sting of her passing has subsided.
Until we meet again............................................
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day 265
Footprints of Death...............
Today I would like to offer my deepest condolences to Whoopi Goldberg and her family for the loss of her Mom. I would also like to offer my deepest condolences to Marvin Sapp, one of my favorite gospel singing artists, who lost his wife MaLinda Sapp to colon cancer. I pray for the peace of both families. I hope that God eases your pain and even through the pain of grief, loss, loneliness, and feelings of despair that God will show you all his awesome love and concern.
Today I would like to offer my deepest condolences to Whoopi Goldberg and her family for the loss of her Mom. I would also like to offer my deepest condolences to Marvin Sapp, one of my favorite gospel singing artists, who lost his wife MaLinda Sapp to colon cancer. I pray for the peace of both families. I hope that God eases your pain and even through the pain of grief, loss, loneliness, and feelings of despair that God will show you all his awesome love and concern.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Days 259-264
Footprints of Death...............
I think one of the first signs of healing from grief is that I have begun to forget about the grief process and focus on the business of living life. Lol! Right now, I am working to create the life and legacy that I want for myself.
I miss my parents but the horror of grief has been replaced with fond memories of them and the legacy that they left me with.
I am praying for all of the people who are and have suffered a loss. I pray that anyone who has suffered a loss allows God to mend their hearts. I pray that each person does NOT ignore their symptoms of grief, but rather, they pay attention to their grief symptoms and to experience the feelings without letting the experience control their lives. I pray that they do not take their grief out on other people and that they ask God for his help every time they need more strength.
As always, remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
I think one of the first signs of healing from grief is that I have begun to forget about the grief process and focus on the business of living life. Lol! Right now, I am working to create the life and legacy that I want for myself.
I miss my parents but the horror of grief has been replaced with fond memories of them and the legacy that they left me with.
I am praying for all of the people who are and have suffered a loss. I pray that anyone who has suffered a loss allows God to mend their hearts. I pray that each person does NOT ignore their symptoms of grief, but rather, they pay attention to their grief symptoms and to experience the feelings without letting the experience control their lives. I pray that they do not take their grief out on other people and that they ask God for his help every time they need more strength.
As always, remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Days 255-258
Footprints of Death...............
All I can say is, "amazing." Life never ceases to amaze me and death never ceases to educate me.
I am praying for all of you who have lost a loved one. God is the mender of broken hearts and damaged souls.
Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
All I can say is, "amazing." Life never ceases to amaze me and death never ceases to educate me.
I am praying for all of you who have lost a loved one. God is the mender of broken hearts and damaged souls.
Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
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