Footprints of Death...............
I am happy to announce to myself that "I made it!" Yesterday 2/14/11 was my Mom's birthday. She would have been 68 years old. My Mommy was my rock. She taught me everything about womanhood and about how to love people beyond their shortcomings. The latter part of her teachings has truly been an uphill battle and I doubt if I have or ever will master the art of loving people beyond their shortcomings as it places the person who is loving in an awkward and seemingly vulnerable position.
I was just thinking about what I would talk to my Mommy about if I could spend one more day with her on this earth. I think I would thank her for the golden life nuggets(i.e. how to love, showing strength, being compassionate, being a lady) that she left to me. Next, I would show her my life today. Lastly, I would ask her about how I should navigate the rest of my life because sometimes I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. Lol!
Life certainly is NOT what I expected it to be, especially when death has been such a prevalent factor, but life is STILL worth living (big smile).
Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Days 399-413
Footprints of Death...............
I have been busy with school and life, but I have no complaints. At this point, I feel like I have moved past grief.....at least for now. There are times when certain scents, songs, phrases, words, or foods bring back fond memories of the ones that I love. I feel like the greatest gift that I can give my loved ones that have passed on, is the "gift of remembrance." As time passes, sometimes I am afraid that I will forget them and honestly that scares me a bit.
I just had a birthday and I am feeling grateful and reflective. Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Until next time..............................................................................................................................
I have been busy with school and life, but I have no complaints. At this point, I feel like I have moved past grief.....at least for now. There are times when certain scents, songs, phrases, words, or foods bring back fond memories of the ones that I love. I feel like the greatest gift that I can give my loved ones that have passed on, is the "gift of remembrance." As time passes, sometimes I am afraid that I will forget them and honestly that scares me a bit.
I just had a birthday and I am feeling grateful and reflective. Remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Until next time..............................................................................................................................
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Days 392-398
Footprints of Death...............
I think for now that my grieving process has ended. I no longer feel the 5 stages of grief (bargaining, acceptance, anger, denial, depression) so I think that this is great news. I have peace again! I know that death is a constant, but so is love and right now I am focusing on the love that I am able to give and to receive. I am excited again about what life has to offer me. I know that God has a master plan that I am incapable of understanding.
Remembering that life is not promised so I will laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
I think for now that my grieving process has ended. I no longer feel the 5 stages of grief (bargaining, acceptance, anger, denial, depression) so I think that this is great news. I have peace again! I know that death is a constant, but so is love and right now I am focusing on the love that I am able to give and to receive. I am excited again about what life has to offer me. I know that God has a master plan that I am incapable of understanding.
Remembering that life is not promised so I will laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Days 387-391
Footprints of Death...............
Wow! Since the year 2011 began, life has been pretty amazing. I still have a few challenges but this year seemed to bring an air about it that reassures me that the horrific disappointments and losses of my past are forever gone away. Weird, how fast things change! One year ago, life was insignificant to me because of the deep loss that I felt. Being parentless left me feeling abandoned but in one year God has proven to me that with him I AM NEVER ALONE. I have no words for the joy and gratefulness that is in my heart.
In terms of the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
Life is short so I intend to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Wow! Since the year 2011 began, life has been pretty amazing. I still have a few challenges but this year seemed to bring an air about it that reassures me that the horrific disappointments and losses of my past are forever gone away. Weird, how fast things change! One year ago, life was insignificant to me because of the deep loss that I felt. Being parentless left me feeling abandoned but in one year God has proven to me that with him I AM NEVER ALONE. I have no words for the joy and gratefulness that is in my heart.
In terms of the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
Life is short so I intend to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Days 379-386
Footprints of Death...............
I am amazed at how well I handled the holidays without my dearest loved ones (i.e. parents, my aunt, and great-aunt). I think that my grief has ended because I am able to focus on good memories of them and not just the fact that I have lost their presence here on earth. That's growth! Growth is great! I must admit that losing a loved one is a terrible pain that leaves a void in your heart so large that sometimes you believe that everyone can see the void or the hole. I'm just glad that these intense feelings do not last forever.
In terms of the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
As always, I will continue to laugh, live, and love and I wish the same for everyone else who has suffered a loss.
I am amazed at how well I handled the holidays without my dearest loved ones (i.e. parents, my aunt, and great-aunt). I think that my grief has ended because I am able to focus on good memories of them and not just the fact that I have lost their presence here on earth. That's growth! Growth is great! I must admit that losing a loved one is a terrible pain that leaves a void in your heart so large that sometimes you believe that everyone can see the void or the hole. I'm just glad that these intense feelings do not last forever.
In terms of the BAADD (5 stages of grief) process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
As always, I will continue to laugh, live, and love and I wish the same for everyone else who has suffered a loss.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
re: Days 370-378 "The Day After Christmas"
Footprints of Death...............
Christmas was a bit surreal yet empowering. It was surreal because it was the first Christmas without my closest loved ones (My Mom, Dad, and Aunt Joy). It was empowering because I finally felt that my loved ones were o.k. and I felt strengthened to move forward and not look back and wish they were here. I felt that they have really found peace. Weird, right? I know, but this is the way I felt on Christmas (yesterday).
Today, it was announced that famed R&B singer Teena Marie passed away today at age 54. My condolences to her family and her millions of fans.
Life is short so please remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Christmas was a bit surreal yet empowering. It was surreal because it was the first Christmas without my closest loved ones (My Mom, Dad, and Aunt Joy). It was empowering because I finally felt that my loved ones were o.k. and I felt strengthened to move forward and not look back and wish they were here. I felt that they have really found peace. Weird, right? I know, but this is the way I felt on Christmas (yesterday).
Today, it was announced that famed R&B singer Teena Marie passed away today at age 54. My condolences to her family and her millions of fans.
Life is short so please remember to laugh, live, and love always and on purpose.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Days 361-369
Footprints of Death...............
I have mixed emotions during this holiday season. I am grateful that my parents no longer have to suffer but I miss them. I miss the way life used to be but I know that it's time to enjoy life anew. These emotions are weird but they are prevalent so I am determined to deal with them so that they do not deal with me.
It's been a while since I have checked in, so I better run through the 5 Stages of Grief (BAADD) Process. Again, I created this acronym for the 5 stages of grief. Here it is:
Bargaining-Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not much.
Denial-Not at all.
Depression-No, doing well.
I have mixed emotions during this holiday season. I am grateful that my parents no longer have to suffer but I miss them. I miss the way life used to be but I know that it's time to enjoy life anew. These emotions are weird but they are prevalent so I am determined to deal with them so that they do not deal with me.
It's been a while since I have checked in, so I better run through the 5 Stages of Grief (BAADD) Process. Again, I created this acronym for the 5 stages of grief. Here it is:
Bargaining-Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not much.
Denial-Not at all.
Depression-No, doing well.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Days 352-360
Footprints of Death...............
The holidays tend to be a difficult time period, but when you add the loss of a loved one, then the holidays can be dismal. I do not feel dismal but I do feel the longing for those that I have lost. I miss my parents, my Aunt Joy, and my Aunt Hayruth. Lately, I have been thinking about wishes. If I could have one wish, I would wish for more time with the ones that I love who are no longer here on earth. I am going to lean on God to take me through these times.
Well, I better run through the 5 stages of grief or the BAADD process as it has been a while.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
As always, I will continue to laugh, live, and love often and on purpose.
The holidays tend to be a difficult time period, but when you add the loss of a loved one, then the holidays can be dismal. I do not feel dismal but I do feel the longing for those that I have lost. I miss my parents, my Aunt Joy, and my Aunt Hayruth. Lately, I have been thinking about wishes. If I could have one wish, I would wish for more time with the ones that I love who are no longer here on earth. I am going to lean on God to take me through these times.
Well, I better run through the 5 stages of grief or the BAADD process as it has been a while.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
As always, I will continue to laugh, live, and love often and on purpose.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Days 347-351
Footprints of Death...............
I made it through Thanksgiving and I felt at peace with the situation....in fact I think that the sting of loss has started to dissipate. I now have peace in knowing that I don't have to worry about my parent's well-being anymore. Yeah, I still miss them terribly, but I have joy.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
I made it through Thanksgiving and I felt at peace with the situation....in fact I think that the sting of loss has started to dissipate. I now have peace in knowing that I don't have to worry about my parent's well-being anymore. Yeah, I still miss them terribly, but I have joy.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Days 340-346
Footprints of Death...............
Yesterday was the 2nd Thanksgiving without both of my parents. It was different but yet my siblings and I made it. I felt a sense of peace in knowing that my parents no longer have to suffer with illness and I no longer worry about their safety and well-being.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
Yesterday was the 2nd Thanksgiving without both of my parents. It was different but yet my siblings and I made it. I felt a sense of peace in knowing that my parents no longer have to suffer with illness and I no longer worry about their safety and well-being.
In terms of the BAADD process, here we go:
Bargaining- Not at all.
Acceptance-Totally.
Anger-Not anymore.
Denial- No, but I'm still in unbelief.
Depression- No, I'm doing well.
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